I hope you know that every night you go to bed and I tell you, "Look mama in the eyes, you're my best friend. You are absolutely perfect." I hope you know I mean that more than any words I have ever said in my life.
I hope you know how you have changed my life the last four years. I have cried more tears, had more triumphs, and have felt more blessed than I ever thought possible. Part of it is you made me a mama for the first time Your sisters are so lucky for that. Part of it is that you are a special little boy. You are someone I have had such a wonderful time getting to know. Every day you make me laugh, smile, ponder, wonder, and celebrate. I know you are special because of your needs but you are special because of your heart.
I hope you know that every time you crawl, literally crawl, into my arms and I know you wish you could be inside my skin...you want to be so close, I feel it too, baby. I want to be so close to you.
I hope you know that there is no one in the world I would rather know. You have the most gentle spirit. Although no one better touch your cars. :) You share when we ask you to. You scoot by your sisters and lean down them to kiss them-just because. You have a heart that is filled with more colors than I have ever seen. YOU are colorful, little man.
I hope you know that I remember the moment that I met you for the first time...like it was yesterday. You were so beautiful. Your big eyes and thoughtful mouth melted me right away. We didn't get what we though we were getting, Jake. I hope you understand that isn't a bad thing. It was just unexpected. I mourned. I was sad. I cried. I didn't know that gift that I was given. I now understand you are my gift.
I hope you know that I wouldn't change anything I have been through with you for the world. Being a mama is a tough job and yet you have granted me the opportunity to learn, something I hope you know that I love to do. You have taught me to be patient and to be so forgiving. Not forgiving to you, sweet boy, you are perfect-but forgiving to myself. I have felt so much guilt and you have allowed me to forgive myself for feeling how I've felt--and for what I regret feeling. Truth is, big boy, you are such an inspiration to us. To all of us. I know how it is, people say "Your kid is so adorable and so sweet" but the truth is babe-I know they are truthful. You are the most loving, forgiving, beautiful soul on this planet.
I hope you know that the last four years have been so challenging but they have truly been the most beautiful years I have ever lived. I cannot live without you. You are everything to me. So, you're almost four and I cannot wait to see you grow and watch what big things you'll do this year. Remember, mama is always-always behind you. I love you with all of my heart and every last inch of my being. You're a beautiful person, Jake. Monday you turn four.....Happy Birthday, babe.
Love,
Your adoring and always loving mama.
XOXOXO
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