Our main man, first born, and love of our lives has been moving and shaking the last few months. He has been babbling more than ever and picking up on signs like crazy.
Bobby and I go in phases where things are good---we are in a routine--this is what we do, day in and day out...auto pilot.
On the days that we get thrown, it could be a comment from school or something we talk about, it's so hard. I am always a half glass full person and something that I have brought to my relationship with my husband-but I get thrown. We get off path and get so down. We cry. We are so sad. What we should have had in our life. Our ideas, hopes, dreams-will never be what we thought it would be and it sucks. We have always put on a happy face. What's not to love? Jake is the happiest, most loving, empathetic person I've ever met. How does someone love so deeply and so hard-make people feel so good about themselves-and be nonverbal? I'll never know. We will never have the hockey player daddy wanted to have, the t-ball player mommy hoped for. This is real. We are hurting. We are sad and mad.
Jake learned the word "hug" over Christmas break. It's his favorite. He says it 100x times a day and it never gets old. "Hu Mama" is my favorite. Reality and day in and day out is tough. I wouldn't change him for anything but this is hard.
Today when he got in the car I was talking to him and he signed "love" which his daddy taught him. And then he signed "milk" and as soon as we got home he went to the fridge. He surprises me every single day. Our boy. Our love.
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